Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Island of Adoption

As of today we have been "officially waiting" 3 months. On May 2, we will have been in the adoption process for 11 months. Again, I cannot say enough, how we feel like we have been waiting much longer than 3 months.

Waiting for your child is super hard. It's probably one of the hardest things we've ever done. What makes it so hard is that we are going through it alone. When we were going through the paper work and the homestudy, we heard from our social worker often, the agency often, and we had people asking us where we were in the process. Now we are in the dreaded "wait." And we are alone. We don't know anyone who has gone through a domestic adoption (we do know people who have adopted internationally, and that wait is equally hard, but it's a different kind of wait), we don't hear from our social worker or our agency, and people have stopped asking because they know we are stuck in the wait. I don't think this is anyone's fault at all. And we are loved by our friends and family, no doubt, and we know that they are on this journey with us, but they don't know what to ask, what to say,or  how to support us. And I don't expect them to, because I don't even know what I want people to say, or ask, or how to tell them how to support us, except for through prayer. But we are still feeling alone. We wish that our social worker would call, we wish we had someone who knew what this experience was like, and we wish we knew what we needed. But, we don't know any of these things. We feel lost, and like we are on this adoption island. I never thought that adoption could be so lonely. But, it is - at least right now. We know, once we know more that it will get better - at least, we hope. Once we have baby, we will be surrounded with love for that baby, and people will know what to say, and how to support us again. 
And there are things that get us through, give us hope, and keep us going. Our family and friends' love for us, and for our baby. The support we do receive. The fact that once we meet our baby, we will forget about the island. The fact that even when we feel alone, we know we aren't. Our friends and family are with us, and so is God. The One who called us to this journey has not left us alone. He is here on the island with us, even when we don't feel Him, He is still near. That He who created us knows and cares how we feel, knows what to say to us, and knows how to support us, even though we don't. He is our hope, and He is our future. He will show us that with Him, we never really are on an island, and even when we think we are, He will rescue us from it. So for now, we are on the island, but we are learning that we aren't alone, and never will be. 

Matthew 28: 20 - ... And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

Psalm 23: 4 - Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid for You are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.

Psalm 33: 22 - Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone.

Deuteronomy 31: 6 - So be strong and courageous, do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you. 

Monday, April 6, 2015

2 months, T-Shirts, and Birth Mother Love

It's been a while since I posted an actual blog post. I've had all the intentions of writing, and just haven't got there yet. So, here's some updates and a post!

Update 1 - We raised around $500 by selling t-shirts! You guys rock! I am so in awe of how our friends and family step up to support us! $500 may not seem like much considering our next payment is $15,000, BUT that is $500 less in debt that we will need to go, and $500 that I won't have to pay on my own. That is AMAZING. We have raised a little over $1,000 since we started and we are excited to see God provide the rest in ways only He can. Philippians 4:19 - And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. 
- IF YOU BOUGHT A SHIRT -please take a picture of you wearing it and send it to us!!!

Update 2- As of March 28 we have been "officially" waiting for 2 months. That means that our profile has been available to show to birth mothers for 2 months. I hate saying that we have been waiting for 2 months. Really, we have been in the adoption process since June and that means we have really been waiting for around 10 months. The wait sucks and is really hard. It does help to know that we will wait the exact right amount of time to be sure we are placed with the exact right baby and exact right birth mother, but it doesn't make the waiting any easier.

2 months "officially" waiting - March 28, 2015

  Lately I've been thinking about our birth mother a lot. I've also been aware of how many people have misconceptions of birth mothers and their relationship with their child. I want you to know that we love and respect our birth mother already - without even knowing her. She may be difficult to get along with, or easy, she may be radically different from us or have things in common, she may be older than us, or younger than us, she may be a teenager or from a rough background, or she may be a professional. No matter what the situation I can confidently say that we LOVE our birth mother. And this is not a we love her because we have to because she's our child's mother or because we should love everybody, we genuinely care for and love her. I'm sure we will have disagreements and will butt heads at times, but that doesn't change the fact that we love her. She is already part of our family and always will be, no matter how open our adoption is. She will always be talked about, mentioned, and discussed with love and respect. She is our child's mother in a way that I can never be, just like I will be his or her mother in a way the birth mom never will be. She is an integral part of our family already. It is crazy to think that we love her and we don't even know her or anything about her. But, God gives us that ability. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). He gave us the ability to love others through His unconditional love for us. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us to be able to live with Him for eternity. Our birth mother is also making a sacrifice in allowing us to raise her child, and we cannot respond to that sacrifice with anything but love.
  Many people have preconceived ideas about who birth mothers are. Most people think birth mother and they think "teen mom." But, we learned that the average age of a birth mother is 25, and that the younger a mom, the more likely she is to parent the baby herself. Birth mothers also don't "give their baby up for adoption," they make an adoption plan. They are not giving up on their baby, they are actively making a plan to do what they feel is best for their child. They are not selfish, but selfless. It is not easy to make an adoption plan for a child you give birth to, it is a selfless act of love for that child. The birth mother will not try to come and take her child back (it is not like a Lifetime movie), she knew what she was doing when she decided to make an adoption plan for her baby.
  So, just remember when you are talking to a birth mother or someone adopting that the birth mother is part of the adoptive family and she deserves to be treated with love and respect, just like her baby.