Monday, February 29, 2016

It's Hell in the Hallway

Happy Leap Day! What a weird day...ANYWAY, yesterday was 13 months waiting for us. Each month that passes and we add to that number the wait gets harder and harder, but we know we are also getting closer and closer to our baby.
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We have been officially waiting for 13 months, over a year. We have been in the process and waiting for our child in our hearts for 21 months. THAT IS TOO LONG. I'm done waiting. (I'm sure you're sick of hearing me say that). But really, it's getting harder and harder to find joy in the waiting, to wait quietly, and to trust that we are on the right path. It's hard not to doubt ourselves and everyone and everything else in the process. So, we wait, we try our best to hope, and we struggle but we find the joy. One GREAT thing with our wait is that we have been able to prepare slowly, and last week we signed our baby up for daycare! We found a really super awesome local daycare that is opening in march and they are willing to hold our spot as long as we need and we only needed to pay the $50 registration fee. Most daycares you have to get on a waiting list and we can't because we don't have a due date. So the fact that we can just sign up and this place will hold our spot for as long as we need is awesome! This is such a relief and we are SO thankful that God brought us this opportunity. 

This week we have seen lots of pain and lots of rejoicing. A friend of mine had a terrible experience with her foster child this week and had to have the child removed from her home. Adam had a disappointing experience at work, and I am feeling a lot of pain in waiting right now. I also have a friend who heard great news about her adoption this week, a student who got her first job, and my dad worked his last real week of work before retiring. It is hard to rejoice with others when we are struggling. But we need to remember that God's plan is always best and He wants us to rejoice in the good that He is doing. Everything good comes from Him (James 1:17). We also need to remember that God owes us nothing, if life were fair we would all be suffering way more than we do for our sins. Relient K has a lyric in one of their songs "the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." Anything good in our life is a blessing and more than we deserve. I also have to remember that God gives us the desires of our heart and when it seems like He doesn't it's because He has something better for us (even if we don't see it that way). Whenever we are waiting or struggling or going through something tough we need to remember that when God closes one door another opens (even though this phrase is not in scripture it is true, God always has something different and better for us,and often allows doors to close to get us to His best). My friend Kelsey taught me the saying "When God closes one door He opens another, but it's hell in the hallway." And I think this is SO true, especially when waiting to adopt. When certain opportunities pass us by, or we get told no it is easy to think that God has given up on us. But, we need to remember that we are just waiting for the right door to open. And waiting is awful, waiting in the "hallway" for the other door to open sucks. But, we are hopeful that door will open and that something better and glorious is on the other side. So, while we are in this hell of a hallway, we will praise the Lord and look to Him for our hope and our joy. 

Psalm 23:4 - Even when I walk in the darkest valley I will not be afraid for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice in our confident hope, be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 

With love,
Kristen
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