As of yesterday we have been waiting for 15 months. WOW that is a long time. Well, it's not but it feels SO LONG!
It's hard waiting for something that you don't know when it will come. This waiting has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've never waited this long for something, especially when there's not an end in sight. I have, of course, waited for things before. I waited and prayed almost 6 months between deciding to leave my job at VSDB and getting my paperwork to start my job I have now, and God showed up in big ways to make that happen. We've prayed and waited to hear God give us an answer through many decisions. But this is a hard one. This is one I haven't heard an answer from God except "wait." And it has been hard to feel like God is coming through for us. Many days it feels like God is not showing up. Now- of course I KNOW this is not true, God is always working in the background even if we can't see Him. I'm glad that God is big enough to take my questions and my doubt, and that I'm not alone in this. David questions God's presence and plan multiple times through the Psalms, and he always goes back to remembering that God is holy, perfect, and always there and worthy of praise. The wait has taught me that it is okay to be honest with God, to not always trust my feelings, and 10,000 other things - if you want to talk to me about what I've learned let's do it! I feel like above all it is forcing me to trust that God's got this and that He will show up in a big way when the time is right and I CANNOT WAIT to share that story with you. Of course we hope and pray our baby comes sooner rather than later, but above all we pray for God's will to be done above our own. My mom always says, "If you don't know what to pray, pray for God's will to be done." And she is so right, that prayer never fails. So, I will wait on and trust in the Lord to fulfill His promises to me, even when I don't feel Him, even when I feel lost, even when I feel like there is no hope, because He is Holy.
Psalm 22:1-3 My God, my God why have You abandoned me? Why are You so far away when I groan for help? Everyday I call to You, my God, but You do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief. Yet You are holy.
1 Peter 1: 6 - So be truly glad, there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while.