Friday, September 9, 2016

Holding on to Hope

This waiting to adopt thing is so hard you guys. I know, I say that a lot, but today, it is still hard. Every month we get updates from our agency sharing how many babies have been placed, and what race and/or special needs have been placed this year so far. This year 37 babies have been placed, that is already 10 more than last year and it's only the beginning of September! This is very exciting because it means that more families are choosing life and choosing adoption for their birth child. And of course, the more families they see, the more families have the opportunity to see our profile and choose us to parent their child. Every month we also get updates of how many times our profile has been shown. This past month our profile was seen 2 times. This brings our total up to 20 views.
This gives me very mixed feelings. It's great that our book is so active, the more it is seen the more chances we will get chosen. But at the same time, it is hard not to take it personally. My first thoughts are often "why were we not good enough for 20 families?" "How is it that 20 families saw our profile and we didn't get chosen?" "what's wrong with us or our profile?" And many other versions of these same thoughts. I NEVER thought our profile would be seen 20 times without a match. It's hard to remember at first that it's not usually about me (ok pretty much never). It's not what they didn't like about me, and more about what they DID like about someone else. And I know that ultimately, that means those families are not, and never were our future birth family. Their baby is not, and never was, our future child. And that God has a plan for us, a family for us, a baby for us.
So, on days like today, when it is easy to doubt, easy to focus on what I don't have, what God has not yet come through for me on, and focus on my waiting, I hold on to HOPE. If you remember my post from, I think, January, my word for the year is HOPE. I hold on to hope that God is still working in the background, that there is still a baby for us, that we are doing what we are called to do, that God will move this mountain, and that God is still good. I have to remember, even if none of this ever happens, He is still good.
Please continue to pray for us in the waiting as it is HARD stuff. And pray for us to get matched soon. There is power in prayer and God wants us to beg Him for our heart's desires. So, beg Him with us!
Thank you for your continued support of us, and thank you for always letting me share my heart honestly! And, let me know how I can pray for you!

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